MY CONFESSIONS AND REQUEST FOR PRAYER

Greetings -

Scriptures from the King James Bible.  

James 5:16
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.  The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

This week a man of authority (I'll call him Jeremiah) gave me words from our Lord.  How do I know that the words came from our Lord?   My spirit strongly bore witness, and also Jeremiah's words confirmed some of what our Lord had already told me.  I received what was told me by this man of authority but I don't, in earnest, want to do what it takes.  I am hesitant to put in the work in the instructed area.

As some of you know, our Lord had me to become licensed last year as a writer, editor, and consultant.  For those who are so inclined, the websites are http://www.solidjourney.webs.com/ and http://www.torchblazers.blogspot.com/.  Well, I have, more eagerly, for compensation, pursued the editing more than I have the writing aspect of my business.  I have been a published writer for more than 25 years.  It is a love and passion of mine and has been for many years so it doesn't concern me much that I rarely get paid to do it. 

For the most part, since I have become a licensed professional, I have been satisfied to do editing and have had paying clients for that work.   Praise be to our Lord for providing further proof that He is in this work.  He allowed me to receive glowing reference letters, viewable on http://www.solidjourney.webs.com/, from clients who hired me to edit their writing.  Also, for many years, numerous people have complimented and commended my writing style.  To GOD be the glory.  

Also, as some of you know, I worked for 17 years in the federal government, as well as some years in the private sector.  My last job, "in the system," was for more than five years in the D.C. government where the Mayor presented me with a Customer Service Excellence Award.  In spite of that, one day I received a letter that informed me that my services were appreciated but no longer "necessary."  All of my working life, I received commendations, monetary and otherwise, for my strong work ethic and performance excellence.  The absence of a job was initially traumatic but now I feel deeply rewarded for what happened.  It was a process to get through the pain.  But Oh! Hallelujah, GOD proved that He bountifully rewards His faithful.  Financially, I am poor, but so rich in our Lord.  That is priceless and thrilling to the core of my sanctified soul! 

In my heart, I don't believe that I would have walked away from my good government job to become licensed as a small business owner.  Presently, the profits are very slim.  At one point, after various predicaments, and inability to obtain employment elsewhere, I went to live in a homeless shelter.  Our Lord allowed me to leave there with the government subsidized housing in which I now reside.  Our Lord told me that, for years, I put in to the "system," and now it was time for the system to put in to me.  The Word of  our Lord says that the government is on His shoulder - Isaiah 9:6.  He is using the government as a resource to help me.

I moved to Tampa, Florida before I came back to D.C. to live in the shelter.  While I was there, I met this backslidden Christian man who I had only been engaged with for about a week.  I shared with him how I had not been able, after earnest efforts, to find employment.  He said to me with authority in his voice, "The Lord wants you in full time ministry."  My response to him was that I needed to support myself.  His answer, again with authority, "The Lord wants you in full time ministry."  Now some of you may think that because he was backslidden he was not to be recognized as an authoritative voice.  I have learned that GOD can choose whoever He pleases to give us words.  When the man spoke to me, my spirit bore witness that he spoke words from our Lord.  I didn't understand how I was going to support myself nor did I have sufficient understanding that ministry doesn't necessarily mean in a religious sense, such as ministry as a pastor, teacher, or evangelist, etc.  I have since learned that ministry is whatever our Lord has created/designed us to do for His glory.  It is our work or vocation designated by our Lord.  We are all uniquely called to some form of ministry.  Our Lord stressed to me this week that one of my primary ministries is writing.  He further stressed to me that, in my business, in order of importance, writing comes before editing. 

Another day in Florida, I shared with a fellow Christian that Satan was keeping me from getting a job.  She responded that it was possible that the Lord was keeping me from getting a job.  I had never considered that it was our Lord.

Anyhow, back to D.C.  Jeremiah firmly told me that, in my business, I was placing emphasis on editing the writing of others when I should be placing emphasis on my own writing.  He sat before me and stated that our Lord desired that I somehow use my Tampa, Florida experience.  He stated that he didn't know what that meant.  When Jeremiah said that, our Lord spoke and told me that I needed to continue my The Tampa Times story (began on this blog).  I mentioned that to Jeremiah.  He stated that it should be done as a fiction novel.  That is the part that I don't like because my writing has mainly been nonfiction.  Years ago, when I was in the world, I read lots of fiction but it has been many years since I have read much fiction.  My strong inclination is to nonfiction.  I said out loud to our Lord and to Jeremiah something like "Why can't I write a nonfiction book about my Tampa experiences?"  Jeremiah was firm that it be a fiction novel.  He offered some meaningful and helpful tips.  I knew from his tone, words, and body language that Jeremiah spoke our Lord's words - most of all, my spirit continued to bear witness.  But I don't want to do a fiction book, people.  That is my other sin.  After Jeremiah left, I was generally reading some news items on the Internet.  The word "novel" appeared on the screen at least twice.  I knew it was our Lord providing confirmation.  He also shared with me this a.m., that I had been sabotaging my ministry.  Further, our Lord used Jeremiah to tell me that I had become comfortable with the government assistance and was not focused about pursuing the means to move to new dimensions.  It reminds me of how the Israelites, at some points, yearned to go back to Egypt.  Freedom was ahead but they didn't want to pursue it.  That is my sin.  I am in route out of it but am not completely there yet.  This weekend, I purpose to go deeper in the Lord about it.        

I have written some fiction short stories, but a whole fiction book?  I don't know how to begin.  Truth be told, I don't want to begin.  That is a lot of pages.  Anyhow, our Lord doesn't want to hear my excuses.  He commands that I obey.  I will most certainly obey but I desire that my attitude be adjusted to desire to do it.  Our Lord has told me that I am to begin to write the novel this Monday June 6, 2011.   

I publicly repent for not being willing.  Lord, please forgive me and help me to line up the desires of my heart to be in accord with Your will.   Thank you, Lord - Amen.

Please pray for me, saints.  Thank you.

Love,
Sandra

Written Friday June 3, 2011       

Note: For those who desire to read about my job episodes, please click on this link http://lioneaglesoar.blogspot.com/2011/01/bonus-in-pink.html and read the piece below.  Thank you.

INFORMATION ABOUT SANDRA’S MOST RECENT JOB “IN THE SYSTEM”

Sandra was a Customer Service Specialist where she received from D.C. Mayor Anthony Williams, a “Customer Service Excellence Award.”  Sandra was “released” from that job because she elected to report managerial malfeasance.  They “killed” the messenger (Sandra) rather than deal with the managerial misconduct.  A couple of years later, the subject manager was publicly exposed on cable TV by employees who reported to the D.C. Council about some of the very same things that Sandra had reported.  Other incidents occurred to publicly expose the character of that manager.

Prior to her release from the subject job, the Lord told Sandra to go to the subject manager to seek forgiveness for anything that she may have done wrong relative to the manager.  The Lord did not reveal to Sandra anything specific that she (Sandra) had done.  He simply told her to go to seek forgiveness for anything that she may have done.  The manager did not respond to Sandra’s request for forgiveness.  The Lord assured Sandra that she was not responsible for how the manager responded.  Sandra’s role was to seek forgiveness, which she did.

Initially, Sandra was hurt, angry and fearful about her job loss.  She was even angry at the Lord for allowing it to occur – He knew that she was not justifiably dismissed from her job.  She had worked there for more than five years and except for her first year there ("Satisfactory" performance evaluation), she received “Excellent” performance evaluations as well as numerous commendations from management, and from some citizens.  Even the mayor gave her recognition for her work ethic.  In spite of all that, Sandra was given a “form” letter that said, in essence, that her services were no longer needed.

It was months before Sandra could muster forgiveness for those who had dismissed her.  Day by day, the Lord helped Sandra to heal.  It was a long painful process but GOD is faithful.  He restored her joy, peace and confidence.  GOD taught Sandra how to be in love with Him.  Before the job difficulty, Sandra loved the Lord but afterwards, she learned to be in love with Him.  That happened because He healed her wounds and proved that He is a promise keeper.  Yes, the process was deeply painful.  Hallelujah that GOD kept Sandra in His awesome embrace.